A note for wives (and maybe husbands) on my 22nd Anniversary
I looked at Mark when he walked through the door from work yesterday and just immediately wanted to smile at my good fortune that our paths crossed on prom night over 28 years ago. But then I tried to remember that Mark...even the one I was married to in the early years of our marriage, and I have to say he's got nothing on the guy who stood before me yesterday. No this Mark is definitely a different person. Mark would tell you so himself. He's not the man he used to be. The short version of that story is that a couple of years ago Mark decided to become really intentional about his relationship with Christ, and out of that is just some really good fruit.
But there is something else that I've recognized as I've been reflecting on our 22 years of marriage. It's sort of a bitter sweet revelation. Aren't they all really? It happened just last week when we had pulled out some old family videos. One of them was Carson's birth video, 15 years ago last Saturday. Mark was amazing in this video, much like he's amazing now. Doting on me, concerned for my wellbeing, and so emotional at the birth of his beautiful daughter. All hallmarks of the man he is today. I was struck by all this as I watched the video and hit by a pang of remorse all at once. Because I recognized the woman in the video. She was so often unhappy in her marriage. Displeased with her husband's performance and demanding he provide her with more and more. This type of scrutiny and disappointment in my husband for not fulfilling in me the things that I really should have only been seeking from The Lord, put a lot of stress on our marriage. There was a time when it felt like our marriage wouldn't survive.
Today, I know Mark is but a shadow of the man he once was because of the redemptive power of Jesus. It's a real vine and branch thing. (John 15:5) But I'm also acutely aware that He's done this same work in me. Mark has been a really good husband and father all along, and it's only because of Jesus' work in me that I'm able to see it and appreciate it fully now. Even as exciting as all that is, it gets even better because He's never finished with us. Philippians 1:6 tells us "For I am confident of this very thing, that He who began a good work in you will perfect it until the day of Christ Jesus". I'm so grateful for that and for the beauty it means for all the many more years of our marriage and the legacy we will leave for our kids and grandkids.
But there is something else that I've recognized as I've been reflecting on our 22 years of marriage. It's sort of a bitter sweet revelation. Aren't they all really? It happened just last week when we had pulled out some old family videos. One of them was Carson's birth video, 15 years ago last Saturday. Mark was amazing in this video, much like he's amazing now. Doting on me, concerned for my wellbeing, and so emotional at the birth of his beautiful daughter. All hallmarks of the man he is today. I was struck by all this as I watched the video and hit by a pang of remorse all at once. Because I recognized the woman in the video. She was so often unhappy in her marriage. Displeased with her husband's performance and demanding he provide her with more and more. This type of scrutiny and disappointment in my husband for not fulfilling in me the things that I really should have only been seeking from The Lord, put a lot of stress on our marriage. There was a time when it felt like our marriage wouldn't survive.
Today, I know Mark is but a shadow of the man he once was because of the redemptive power of Jesus. It's a real vine and branch thing. (John 15:5) But I'm also acutely aware that He's done this same work in me. Mark has been a really good husband and father all along, and it's only because of Jesus' work in me that I'm able to see it and appreciate it fully now. Even as exciting as all that is, it gets even better because He's never finished with us. Philippians 1:6 tells us "For I am confident of this very thing, that He who began a good work in you will perfect it until the day of Christ Jesus". I'm so grateful for that and for the beauty it means for all the many more years of our marriage and the legacy we will leave for our kids and grandkids.
Comments
Post a Comment